February is Valentine’s, a time when love is all around us. We know this because are asked to speak at churches and couples banquets more than any other month.
I also know this because everywhere I go, I see hearts- the drugstore, the grocery store, and the illustrious greeting card aisle. Stores set out a lair for consumers to buy flowers, romantic, mushy cards, and of course, the obligatory chocolates. All of this stresses of romantic love and conjures up candlelight dinners, toasts, and stolen kisses.
This month, lets look a little deeper at love. Lets look beyond the romance to the reality. Lets look at the basics like saying please and thank you and practicing gratitude for your mate. When we get a drink, let’s get him one too. Let’s practice thoughtfulness- when you wake up early because you can’t sleep, try hard not to wake the sleeping beauty beside you. These actions will make your marriage far happier and lasting than a box of Godiva.
This February every time you see a big red heart, which will be often, practice love, real day-in-day-out love. Happy Valentines Day 2012!

As counselors, our perspective of the holidays can tend to be somewhat unique.  We who dwell in the less pleasant emotions of depression, fear, and grief with our clients can often get to Thanksgiving with mixed feelings.  This year, I am taking a new approach.  It is a known fact psychologically that our thoughts effect our lives, just ask Robert Ellis!  This Thanksgiving, I implore you to think positively, not just because it is scripturally instructed (Colossians 3, “set your mind on things above, not on earthly things”) but because by doing so, you are literally changing the formation of your brain. Recent findings in neurobiology show that intense, focused thought on anything, both bad or good, cause the myelin (the covering of the brain cell) to thicken thus making logical conclusions and everyday thinking harder to do.  If we think intensely on the negative, which lets face it, a lot of us could do, we strengthen the myelin making rational and healthy choices less easy to come by.   One easy way to practice positive thinking is to keep a “gratitude journal” in which you daily write down 5 things for which you are grateful. In Soul Healing Love talk, we call this intentionality.  Here’s a sneak peak of what I am writing in my journal this year……..I am thankful for loyal and faithful friends and family who pray for Rodgers Christian Counseling and all our associates, partners, and blessed clients who trust us enough to let us into their lives.  I wish you all the warmest of Thanksgivings!

What a blessed and busy summer! We have taught the Leadership Training at Transformation Church in Fort Mill, SC. We also trained the entire staff in the Soul Healing Love Model at Tampa Bay Christian Counseling outside Tampa, FL. Then, we flew to Denver, CO to build RCCA Colorado. There we spoke on a radio show on KPOF AM91 hosted by Bob Baker. And just last week we were guests of David and Barbara Cerullo on their program Inspiration Today! which will air on the INSP Network. So set you DVR’s to watch a message of God’s Soul Healing Love! And through all of this work, RCCA is still growing. We hired 2 new therapists this summer: Kelly Taylor and Samantha Sult.

During the busyness, we don’t want to lose sight of Who has allowed all of these wonderful things to occur, so we have been mindful to look toward our Heavenly Father. And, through it all, the Lord continues to teach us to trust in Him for His Plan, His Way, and His Abundance!  

(For more details about Inspiration Today! and a television schedule click here http://www.insp.com/shows/inspirationtoday/)

      Spring is a time when things sprout up from the sleeping soil and offer us beautiful blossoms and blooms to enjoy. It’s a time of rebirth, of newness, and of growth. Well we at RCCA are growing as well. Rodgers Christian Counseling Colorado is opening in Denver!

      We have presented workshops in that area for many years and have been asked repeatedly, “Is there someone in the Denver, CO area that can offer the Soul Healing Love Model in therapy?” Well, now we can answer them a resounding, “Yes!” Expanding the Soul Healing Love Model for use across the globe has been a dream of ours for many years. We have small-group studies and support groups in 28 states and 4 countries, but to establish a professional counseling agency where the therapists are Certified Soul Healers will be a great legacy.

      The lead therapist is Nikki Rodgers Beach, a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) in the state of Colorado. She is not only a Certified Soul Healer, but she is our daughter and has grown up with Soul Healing Love. Here is an excerpt from the RCCA Colorado website:

                           Some of my earliest memories are of Soul Healers Weekends that were held in the basement of my childhood home. The Rodgers (my parents) have always made Soul Healing Love not only a family business, but also a family practice. During those weekends, I would wait in secret by the stairs and listen to my parents speak of their own wounded childhoods. Hearing my father talk about the brokenness and pain and then ultimate healing by the Lord Jesus Christ never ceased to bring tears to my eyes…I am now most fortunate to be bringing the Soul Healing Love Model of counseling and healing to the beautiful state of Colorado. It is my most earnest passion to see lives changed, redeemed, and healed by Jesus Christ, and I believe Soul Healing love is a wonderful catalyst for this!                  To read more, please visit www.rccacolorado.com

     Helping Nikki every step of the way is her husband Chad Beach, son of the late Richard Beach who founded Doulos Ministries, an at-risk Christian youth program. Growing up in business and ministry, Chad adds so much by managing business concerns, designing the website, and aiding in marketing. Together, Chad and Nikki make a great team to bring the Soul Healing Love Model to Denver, Colorado!

      The office is located in Downtown Littleton, CO: 2629 W. Main Street, Suite 100, Littleton, CO 80120. You can also contact Nikki by phone or email: 720.295.0406 or info@rccacolorado.com.

                         We are excited about what God has in store for the people of Denver!

I was kicked out of my house by my mentally ill mother in early December 1971, almost 40 years ago now. It was the home I had known for all of my 17 years of living. I moved in with my dad and step mom, whom I had never met! I was scared, anxious, wounded, uprooted and sent to a foreign land that I did not know. And still I felt the Lord’s presence with me.  My new parents had a Christmas tree there, something my mother would rarely allow because she hated Christmas.

I would stay up half the night just watching it. Watching the lights shimmering in the purplish glow provided a sense of beauty, serenity and comfort to me like magic fairy dust had happened upon one of the forest’s own who had given its life for such a time as this. The tree sacrificed himself for the joy of Christmas tree lovers like me!

I now have a tree in almost every room in the house. In fact I am known for this among my friends. For me the tree is a symbol of Sacrifice much like the Christ Child who came in human form at Christmas to be a ransom for our sins. This Christmas, almost 40 years later I still stare at my Christmas trees for hours and allow their warmth and beauty to envelope me. And I am overwhelmed with the love of a God who would send His Baby Boy as a sacrifice so that we might be set free. For unto us a Child is Born, unto us a Son is given and He shall reign for ever and ever!

Remember Jesus, and His Sacrifice, is the reason for the season.

Recently we spoke at Transformation Church in Fort Mill, SC near Charlotte– our topic—Forgiveness.  The feedback about our talk was very positive and the vast majority of the people who commented appreciated the section on what forgiveness is Not.  Here are some highlights: Forgiveness is not exoneration or saying that the offender is not guilty. It is not justification or making excuses. It is not denial or minimizing the offense to keep peace or look pious. Forgiveness is not toleration, saying that the offender can continue his or her offensive behavior simply because they have asked for forgiveness.  Forgiveness is simply for giving a person pardon and for giving you freedom.

In my (Bev) childhood I had much to forgive, among many things my mother’s physical beatings and her endless rants about my worthlessness.  Her words, “If abortion were legal I would have gotten rid of you,” were tattooed to my soul for years. I tried to exonerate her (surely I have to honor my mother). I tried to justify her actions (after all she was an abused child herself). I tried denial and was successful for years until my headaches, stomach problems, and depression got the best of me.  It took the gentle hand of the Holy Spirit  nudging me to finally realize that I had to sincerely grieve my lost childhood, innocence, and self-esteem in order to forgive my mother’s abuse. In doing so I had to open up a wound that I had denied for years. We say in the Soul Healing Love Model that you can’t heal what you can’t feel. This was certainly true for me. In fact I had to forgive my mother over and over again, and each time the Lord was with me holding my hand. It is true –Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for someone else to die. Forgiveness is indeed a path to freedom.  

One of the most gratifying things about being a Christian marriage and family therapist for the past 30 years is hearing testimonials of couples who say that learning our Soul Healing Love Model saved their marriage or changed their family interaction for the better. Over the past three decades we have heard such things as:

“You were our last hope. We practically hated each other and you helped us learn to forgive and love again.”

“Your help made me see that I was a very critical father, much like my dad. You helped me change my relationship with my own children and now we have a great relationship because of it.”

“You saved our marriage from the brink of divorce. We had already seen an attorney and were moving in that direction when we saw you. The Soul Healing Love Model changed our perspective on marriage. We still see marriage as hard work, but we have the tools to do that work. And we are so grateful!”

Hearing these statements is wonderful! Here is one that is that particularly stands out to me.

“We have been married for 35 years. We did not have a bad marriage, but it wasn’t good either. We did not talk or connect. After the kids left home we had nothing in common. In the evenings I would do my thing and my husband would do his, usually in separate parts of the house. I wanted more and he wanted me to stop wanting more. We attended a Soul Healers Couples workshop, and he said he thought connection like that wasn’t realistic for him. I felt trapped. I did not want a divorce because my husband was a good man, but I was so lonely. I finally persuaded him to come to counseling even though he felt like it was sheer torture. You guys made it less ‘painful’ for him and in time he began to talk. Eventually he started sharing from his heart. It took time and a lot of energy to change our old patterns, but now we have a relationship that is very healing for both of us.

On our 35^th anniversary he said an amazing thing to me. Now remember this is a man that could not share feelings of any kind much less sentimentality for years. He said, ‘For years I had a hard time buying you a card for our anniversary. I would read a few romantic cards and feel very uncomfortable. Then I’d find the funny cards with the doggie couples doing various tasks around the house. I would make my purchase and quickly leave the store. This year I found myself taking my time reading all the cards with statements of deep love and care. I found just the right card that said how much I love, respect, and appreciate you and could not wait to see your face when you opened it. I could not believe I was able to give you a card with all the romance and deep feelings. I have always wanted to be one of those deeply in-love old couples, and now we are one of them!’

I don’t know who was more excited about the transformation in this couple: the husband for learning to share, the wife for hearing it, or me for being around to experience this joy with them. It is so amazing what God can do when we are willing to learn and grow!

The theme scripture for this month is also the subject of this blog. Paul tells the Corinthians , “ If you marry, you will have trouble.” The Living Bible says, “Marriage will bring you an extra set of problems,” I Corinthians 7:28. It’s true! We have taught for years that marriage is Hard Work! You can’t take two completely different people from different environments, put them in a confined space, tell them to pay a mortgage, raise children, and handle all of life’s problems and expect it to be easy. This is why Soul Healing Love can help.

The communication tools in the Soul Healing Love Model are designed to ease the troubles and help couples navigate the choppy waters of marriage. We just finished a couple’s 15-hr intensive and here are some of the comments.

“My wife drug me in. I did not want to go, and I confess that I was not very engaged when we first got there. But Friday night you shared about the love drugs, and the normal disillusionment of marriage, and the last 15 years of my marriage struggles started to make sense. By Saturday you had my full attention. I now realize that I had a great deal of pain in my childhood that was affecting my marriage; sadly I blamed it all on my wife. Soul Healing Love gave me tools to help me heal my own soul wounds and heal my marriage. I thank God that my persistent wife would not take “no” for an answer.” Ben

“We were separated and on the rocks when we went to the workshop. It was our last hope.  We were desperate yet still skeptical. What you said made so much sense and your personal stories of struggle helped us see we were not alone. As we continued through the weekend something in our relationship began to shift. In the workshop, you called it a paradigm shift. That’s what happened to us. We know we still have a lot of work to do, but we are doing it together. We now see each other differently, more as allies than enemies and, most importantly, we have hope. Hope in God and Hope in our future.”  Anne

Yes, marriage is hard but it is just as rewarding as it is difficult if you have the tools to help you. These tools have come in handy in the last 33 ½ years for Tom and I and can do the same for you!

 Our next workshop is October 22-24, 2010, and We would love to have you!

For more about the Soul Healing Love Model see the article in this month’s E-News Letter, “Why Can’t My Spouse Be More Like Me?!?”

                It’s the week after Holy Week, always a time of reflection for me (Dr. Bev) because, as I detailed in my last blog, I first heard about Christ’s sacrifice for me at a childhood Easter egg hunt. During this time, I reflect on the amazing sacrifice of the Trinity. God the Father giving His only Son. As a parent I can’t fathom the enormous love that would give such a gift. The suffering, dedication, and passion of Christ, God the Son, who died so that we might be ransomed and redeemed. Then the Holy Spirit coming to provide comfort and strength for us all after Christ’s assent, it fills me with awe.

                In Charlotte, I am surrounded by churches, so many with three crosses out front with the center draped in a shawl of purple first for lent. Then the garment changes to red for Jesus’ shed blood of redemption. I look forward to the Sunday when the crosses change their shawls to white signifying Christ arose and is alive today! Those white-draped crosses are glorious in the backdrop of the new life of spring. A symphony of dogwoods, daffodils, and tulips are reborn after the cold, hard winter. Spring has redeemed these flowers just as Christ’s death redeemed us.

                As we look back on Easter Sunday, let the cross remind you of God’s Love and Sacrifice: you have been saved and forgiven! Let us all live in eternal gratitude because of God’s unconditional love that Heals our Souls and Restores us to Wholeness.

What Do Easter Eggs and the Cross Have In Common?

Many Christians, including me, find ourselves saddened at how secular commercialism has overtaken sacred holidays. At Christmas we are bombarded by Santa and Reindeer that eclipse our Savior’s birth. Now before Spring has sprung, stores sprout bunnies and colorful eggs that over-shadow Christ’s sacrificial death on the cross. In fact, holy days have been so secularized  that many Christians refuse to sport eggs or bunnies during lent. I am inclined to do that but I just can’t. You see, I love little furry bunnies and multi-colored eggs and the Lord knew that, so He used them to lure me to Him many years ago.

I was eight years old living in the Sheol that I called home, with no father and a mentally ill mother. Her insane rants, accompanied with verbal and physical abuse were regular occurrences. At age eight, I became a little adult, caring for my siblings and myself and striving desperately to keep us out of my mom’s destructive path. Needless to say, I had little time to play. One day a neighbor came over and invited us to an Easter egg hunt at the little country church down the road.

“Do they give prizes if we find them?” I asked.

“Yes,” she said graciously. “Chocolate prizes!”

“Games and chocolate, count me in!” I replied gleefully.

I’ll never be sure why my mom allowed us kids to go. Perhaps it was to get us out of her hair for the day, but that day changed my life forever.

Before the egg hunt, we listened to a flannel graph presentation of the Easter Story. The teacher put flannel pictures of Jesus in Gethsemane, carrying His cross, and being nailed to it for our sins. I still remember how carefully the teacher drew tiny drops of blood on Jesus’s hands and feet, no doubt trying not to frighten her young audience with such a dramatic story, while still trying to make her very important point.

“Jesus loved you so much that He died for you,” she said with conviction.

Who is this Jesus, I thought, who would love me enough to give His life for me, when even my own mother did not seem to care for me?

After the amazing story, we hunted eggs. I found a basketful and was rewarded with a delicious chocolate bunny which I ate with great gusto before I even left the parking lot of the church! But I never forgot that story. My intense hunger to know this Jesus stayed with me and years later as a teen, I went back to that church and accepted Christ as my savior and have had the blessed privilege of living for Him for four decades now.

So what do Easter eggs and The Cross have in common? They both saved me in every way imaginable! Every spring I put crosses and brightly colored eggs all over my house. This year I even sported an Easter tree filled with lights, crosses, and a hand-made crown of thorns (ouch did that hurt!). These are all reminders that I am saved… saved from sin, saved from pain, and saved from repeating the same unhealthy patterns of the generations before me. These reminders of my salvation inspire my gratitude to the One who loved me enough to give His life for me. Eggs and crosses remind me of the grace for which I am forever grateful. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some delightful eggs to hide!